Everyone has an opinion about what I should do next. Except me. I don’t have much of a clue.
Phaniet
Phaniet thinks we should figure out what to do about Eigrach’s perfidy, but I wanted to discuss what I should do about my affair with Thenel first.
Phaniet:“You are ashamed of conducting a clandestine liaison with him.”
Me:“No, not really.”
Phaniet:“That wasn’t a question. You are ashamed of it. I can smell it on you. I saw you wince every time Rehit said that you had been utterly honorable, when of course you have done nothing of the sort, and right in his bed at that.” (Not true! No closer to that than Thenel’s shop’s parlor.) “And, I would say, properly so. Speaking as your loyal supporter, it is one of the most disreputable, if not downright immoral, things that I have seen you do since I have known you.”
Me:“That’s not what you said when I started.”
Phaniet:“It’s what I said when I learned that Thenel was engaged.”
Me:“Besides, they’re not married yet. Thenel’s not breaking his marriage vows; he doesn’t have any.”
Phaniet:“I am not technically married to Este. Nonetheless it stings to walk into a parlor and discover Inconnnu on Este’s lap, nibbling on his ear.”
Me:“Well, that’s probably Inconnu’s fault. He crawls all over everybody who doesn’t beat him off with a glaive-guisarme, except for the other Orren and me.”
Phaniet:“There is actually no fault involved. Este knows perfectly well what he can do with Inconnu, and he has never violated our rules. The point is that cheating is cheating, whether the couple is married or not. Thenel is breaking his relationship’s rules — in spirit, even if you found some ridiculous excuse to keep to the letter — and you’re helping him.”
Me:“I know that perfectly well. I’m a hundred years older than you, and I’ve seen a hundred variations on that story.”
Phaniet:“Well, O Great All-Knowing Lizard, how many of them ended well?”
Me:“Um … maybe a dozen?”
Phaniet:“And how many of those involved doom magnets like you?”
Me:“…”
Phaniet:“Anyhow. Any relationship which you can’t mention to your partner’s best friend is a bad relationship. Any relationship which could easily destroy your partner’s social circumstances is a bad relationship. And really, really, any relationship which requires you to be a whore is a bad relationship. “
Me:“…”
Phaniet:“So you-and-Thenel is…”
Me:“A bad relationship”
Phaniet:“And what should you do about it?”
Me:“…”
Phaniet:“Do you think it’s a good idea or a bad idea to stay in a bad relationship?”
Me:“…”
Phaniet:“Well?”
Me:“… um …”
Phaniet:“OK, I’m going to go refranitize the osculary. You stay here and try to figure that puzzle out, you Great All-Knowing Lizard.”
Me: [stomps off to talk to Kantele.]
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Perhaps you should look at this question in a different light. That you and Thenel are having a bad relationship is reasonably clear. What would it take for you and Thenel to have good relationship? Are any of those options worth pursuing?
Yes, I think that coming clean to his fiancee might be a good idea… if you can figure out a way to do it… begging for forgiveness might help…
I agree with Rowyn.
Also here: “Anyhow. Any relationship which you can’t mention to your partner’s best friend is a bad relationship. Any relationship which could easily destroy your partner’s social circumstances is a bad relationship. And really, really, any relationship which requires you to be a whore is a bad relationship.”
I disagree with Phaniet’s opinion for one and two. Maybe the partner’s best friend is not a terrific judge of relationships. Maybe the partner’s social circumstances are somewhat artificial/superficial – in need of protecting, but not part of Who the Partner Is in a meaningful way.
I do think that honesty is the best policy with the relationshipees and all partners.
I’m…not sure about #3. I think if it’s not fun, it’s definitely a bad thing.
Right! If you came clean to Rehit, he’d attempt to kill you, and then after you killed him in self defense the biggest barrier would be removed.
Then you’d get Eighrach to find you blameless because they want your services, and have them force Thenel to be your lover as an additional punishment, satisfying his desire to be blackmailed.
I don’t think that Rehit is a very good judge of character. He seems to have judged me as an honest person, for one thing.
[Bard doesn't necessarily agree with any Sythyry characters. -bb]
I’m reminded of the small child who, having failed to get permission from one parent, attempts to get it from the other parent. And as is always the case in such sitations, Kantele is going to give you the same answer as Phaniet.
You are an honest person, which is why this is causing such a problem for you: going against one’s nature is always uncomfortable.
You’re not helping! You need to help Sythyry do the right thing! Which means being honest and open, and explaining things to those that you have harmed, and asking for forgiveness!
No harm has happened yet. Harm can only happen if Rehit finds out. Going behind his back is immoral because it introduces the possiblity that he’ll find out and be hurt by it, but turning around and being honest *now* merely ensures that things get as bad as possible.
The obviously correct thing to do if you want to be moral (and not if you have other priorities, like continuing to be with the one you love) is to immediately stop the affair and never speak of it again.